emotionally starved user hacks my star

What a journey it has been

And the end is not in sight

But the stars are out tonight

And they are bound to guide my way

That is an excerpt from my fave song . Life is full of mystery . The mariner is afraid to lost his life every time high tide occurs in the midst of his circumnavigation in the vast cosmopolitan of life’s struggle . He needs to be the best diver so as to save his life . If he failed to do so , he will be totally lost out of sight . But , behind the drowning is a mystery . How wonderful is it to live in this paradise . In some cases , the depth of mystery is hard to measure .

My Mom gave me the freedom to witness the beauty of paradise . Deep within my heart I’m very thankful and considered myself lucky regardless of the absence of material things because of financial catastrophe . Stocks in the family decline..Likened to the killer quake that hit the City of Pines way back 1990 and the flashflood that devastated Ormoc City . Despite that , I’m enjoying every minute of my existence . Now , I’m at the peak of my journey trying to surpass the Flipinos that climbed Mt. Everest. Truly , life is wonderful even if in the process of climbing I was injured . However , thorns are on the way . This serves as an obstacle in reaching the end point of my circumnavigation . Like the mariner we do have point of entry and destination . We can’t reach the end point without enduring patience .Since I saw the first light of the world I have come across with an “ array “ of thorns . Even if our ornamental plants in the lawn don’t have thorns at all . Quite painful but I simply take it for granted . As what Francisco Icasiano says ,

“ Pain is beautiful when one can rise from it’s depressing power “

There were times I can no longer bear the anguish . My heart was in a comatose . My being is swollen . I’m lost in the middle of a desert without knowing my direction . I’m in a crossroad . Robert Frost stated ,

“ I took the one less traveled by “

“ And that has made the difference “

I can’t walk without the assistance of a caregiver nor the program can’t run because of the dreaded virus . The wheel runs out of gasoline . It was fallen in the debris . Darkness was in a total bloom . Eclipse occurs . Everything is paralyzed . Chemotheraphy and alternative medicines doesn’t work anymore . .I found myself in an isolation room weeping through the valley of tears .Join me as I sing the melody,

Valley mountain , there is a fountain washes the tears all the way

My being turned out to be cloudy . Such unfavorable weather jibes with what my heart feels . It touches till the tiniest veins of my being . . No more reason to appreciate the wonders of sunrise . Yesterday is a sunset . I can’t afford to embrace tomorrow with sunlight that gladdens one’s breathing . Future awaits with thunder and lightning . Fear dominated my heart . I’m a fighter , firm with my ideologies in life . I always tell my ultimate savior – mother when I was in college ,

“The struggle must continue until the last end of my dying breath “

I wanted to be an activist . Radio commentator is my ultimate dream . Luckily , I end up as an announcer in the four walls of the vast reservoir of knowledge – Classroom .Pouring wisdom behind the magic of words to my listeners – students . Who at their young age will be the future heroes and heroine of a better tomorrow. I’m hoping that they will not be failed with their attempts to fulfill their dreams for a better” brand “ of politics .similitude to the rainbow filled with multi- color shades .

That’s just the prologue of the discussion in my Literature Class . Let me continue the next chapter of my commentaries interwoven with the aphorisms of the printed words .

I’m beginning to lost my patience . I often ask myself why things had to happen this way, the fact that I was the best swimmer being admired worldwide, who brought honor to our country in the recently concluded survival of the fittest . I manage to find my way to my port of destination . He never leave me . He lights up my life , held my hands when we cross the roaring water , with my body shivering from cold.

First I was afraid , I was petrified

Thinking I would never leave without you by my side

I survived because of the wisdom imbedded behind the golden rule , the miracles and power of prayers intermingled with the determination to be discharge from the isolation room . I was transferred to our humble palace of rest – house . The incubation period lasted for 1 year to recover from where I have fallen . Life back to normal as is expected of me in the eyes of my back up files– friends and colleagues . The computer buff VID Analyst friend / big brother of mine who is now based in Al Khobar , KSA come up with a software that deleted all the “ files “ in my “CPU “ .The first of it’s kind in the amazing yet realistic world of computer and information technology. Back then , I was able to fly though I totally lost my wings for quite so long .

That was a decade ago . The thorns was too painful. Anesthesia doesn’t work at that time . As of the moment , I’m in the prologue of another journey . I just renewed my contract and promoted as a Captain from an AB Mariner . I don’t know when shall I “terminate “ my resignation from the journey I have “applied “. .Prologue is to Literature Terminate is to program .

When they are shining on my life

I can see a better day

I won’t let the darkness in

What a journey it has been

Wishing there will be stars to twinkle in the night amidst the clouds of life . I’ve been wishing for the brightest star ever . For the second time around, anguish is injected in my dextrose which paves the way for the temporary stopping of my breathing .I’m in darkness , no more stars to brighten my life. . Smile is a grave sin because of the weeping bleeding beats of my heart. Suddenly , I found myself writing this “POEM” one stormy night in my moments of solitude.

VIRUS HEART

Tears in my eyes

Sadness in my heart

Pain in my soul

Sorrow in my being

Sunshine on your side

Cloudy on my part

Output becomes negative

I expect to be positive

Virus ruin the program

My heart stops to run

No software can be found

To cure the dreaded virus

That attacks the CPU of my heart

The star was “ hack : by someone who is tongue tied and craving for earthly satisfaction of the flesh . A computer buff X who is obsess of emotional hunger due to the absence of “ ink “ . She needs to refill with a centrifugal force to survive the urge the that would lead her to the climax of pleasurable momentum in Physics . The losing star is reason why my heart is in thorns again .

I recall when you said that you’ve never leave me more

But you left a birthmark in the evolution of my cycle . It’s bleeding again . When shall it end ?

Definitely … Like before … When another software will be installed . Better than the obsolete ? A new discovery in the IT world ? What program will it be ? Visual Basic or ACCESS ? Nobody has the right to “ ACCESS “ because a “PASSWORD “is required before one can open the files .If ever a user is lucky enough to enter will it be stored in the memory or deserves to be in the “RECYCLE BIN “ only ?